Abuse...it can happen to anyone.
Gosh! Its been too long...Thank you for being here, my long forgotten haven....
I need to have this experience written down, for this was an experience I never, in my wildest dreams, thought would have happened to me...
I must remember and learn well. I was abused, and this scar inflicted will remind me to be strong.I no longer hate. Its been a month since and I am writing on hindsight.
To begin in short summary, I've left SSB, visited CS (for a mth to be exact) and now hopeful to move on to a new and better environment.
See SSB was my comfort zone. Much like home, almost, just that besides my best of girlies whom i've travelled, bitched, troubled ... blahs... there were also uppers, and comrades that I had to face. I'm pretty done with tolerating them and the boredom of work.
But it was this decision to leave that made me realise how wonderful it was to have them!!! No seriously, my ex boss, she's older and single and powerless but
soooo much easier to handle.
To everyone I say that I made a leap of faith into an entirely new environment. Ok...so I crashed head down into a work shift that starts from 4pm to 2am, endured the pain of travelling to changi business park (CBP), as well as suffer gastric and sleepless nights for my body ain't recognising the sudden changes in my already routine-ed life. This was just the beginning...then came along the people i met. Young! not so vibrant because it's kinda hard when it's that hour and seriously, CBP is a capsule of its own in oh so tiny spore....oh and thus definitely cranky people.
I was sent to a team where the team mates were a bunch of nice and courteous peeps. Very helpful, sometimes playful...but then it was the work that I wasn't enjoying really...I was bored. So by a stroke of fate and luck, I was given a chance to enter another team within the department. During the interview process I mentioned that I very much want to enter the options team however that didn't happen as they deem my lack of experience unsuitable. But, at that point in tiem they were in desperate need of people (As there was a mass exodus of people in that team, and we all know why...) so viola, they remembered i am keen, and so I was in.
The teams sits 2 lanes across from where i was originally. There one cannot help but notice 2 ladies...2 spells trouble double whammy, but I guess in the wee hours of the night I failed to detect trouble. They were just 2metres away from me.
There is a need for character description, but no names shall be mentioned...ET and NT was engraved in the mere hour of meeting and scarred me by the end of 14 days..
ET, She is tall, very tall for a local lady. She wears a permanent scowl. To most everyone she looks down in disdain met with weary eyes. I never found out, but if i may, she is still single and badly needs courtship. I could tell she yearns for some form of male companion as she still bothers to dress up every day despite the hours, dresses and heels to boot. But honestly it doesn't help to tower every single person in the office with 3 inch heels when you are already alot taller than the average guy barefoot.
On the outset, she's not a bad looker. But i am a firm believer that a person is ugly if her character sucks!
oh she was an ex national sailor (who gives the F**K? did i mention ex...)
Her best friend, on the other hand, is petite. She wears a permanent smile and greets everyone with such cheerful eyes that you'll think everyday is a friday! She ain't single for her loverboy's just 4 metres in the radius within the office. So of course she's dressed up too, for someone's looking!
oh yes she is the pet of the vp and also the manager of the options team.
So I was whisked into the team to help tide over the difficult period. It was a terribly steep learning curve for me. I have to learn fast and do fast because there was too few staff left to do too much work. I was finding it hard to pick up as they were speeding along and it didn't help that ET has a huge ass attitude problem!
It was the norm that she shouts at and commands newbies around like dogs.
But I was the one whom she threw her calculator and letters at. I wasn't physically hurt...but what was much worse was the mental trauma i am going through.Also, she slammed her hand on my desk whenever she is frustrated and everytime I try to ask a question, she answers my question with 10 more of her questions, forcing me to answer them all. She just stuffed her boot camp training method down my throat and totally gagged me.
And when I can't answer them questions anymore, more cold stares and more slamming.
I must admit it was very stressful teaching when there's piling work and past work hours...but that doesn't warrant any of the above behaviour. She was just plain rigid and just pushing me to a tiny corner vacuuming out along the way. She was bullying a new comer, She was bullying me.
I was frightened. I was stressed. And my health just deteriorated. My moral went from top to zero to negative.
Work was tough and not easy to pick up, her behaviour only stressed me out further and made me afraid to work. It came to a point where i couldn't eat, and couldn't sleep. i had to drag myself to work. That wasn't work, that was freaking boot camp.
And the NT, the manager wasn't any better really, she appears to be nice, but really, her weapon was sarcasm. I have no idea what she says behind my back. Such is the weariness.
And them being friends, I was defenceless. NT not only not believe me words, she told me to try to accomodate ET. Saying things like "she was an ex national sailor...you should try to compromise and accomodate..."
Accomodate someone who's causing the abuse? hello?! are you listening?
And then I realise that there really isn't any point in that conversation...anymore. I need to get out. It was a huge disappointment. I went through 4 rounds of interview and had so much hope and vigour.
I did try to talk to my colleagues...but I realise they've all been brain washed. They just say "she's like that, live with it". Such was the power of an ex national sailor. She should join the military...make em weak men strong they say!
I constantly ask myself why I didn't stand up against her. She was only 2 yrs my senior at work (She wasn't even team lead for gods sake!) why didn't i stand up against her?
Well I guess I'm not a confrontational person. At that point in time all I could think of is why can't I get these done? why aren't I getting it right? There must be something wrong with me. Little did I realise that when I eventually broke down...it wasn't entirely me...It was inhuman.
Today, when I look back, if i didn't step out of my comfort zone I will never have met them and I will never have found out, it takes all sorts to make this world and i've only met 2 of them.
Honestly I never regretted leaving SSB and I never regretted joining CS.
even before I join, i've heard about how political it is in there, how the HR is really bad...and after I join...well I hear much more.
But there are certain things that you only learn through experience. I learnt to be strong the hard way. I will continue to hone my interpersonal skills. And I will continue to meet more strange and weird people and I must learn to understand and handle them.
We must all learn to stand up for ourself against the odds.This is my learning experience, it's a pain in the ass but without it I'm a nobody.
24th b'day
at the rate that you keep pampering me, how am i ever going to keep up!?!?!?!?
oh well, you promised me the cartier love series with the blinks!!!!! wahahaha...
anyway, no matter how lousy my day is or how bad everything turns out to be i can always trust you to make it all seem right again.
thank you so much for everything everything everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!
after 3 days of celebrating....though it started out pretty bad, things got better eventually and its all your effort! how can i ever do without you?
thank you! for making my birthday so fun and making me feel so special =)
LAWRY'S
i finally got my chance to eat at Lawrys!!! on my b'day!!it may not be a big deal but i've always been fascinated by the large paintings and the seemingly lush decor in the restaurant, unfortunately, i don't have the means to dine there.
till recently, i got a treat on my birthday!! yippee!!!!
the decor is nice, just as i've imagined it to be (been peeping in there now and then whenever i walk past) and the ambience is nice, until the dinner crowd starts coming.
oh and the food and service level is great!!! food is much to my liking...so irresistable that i think i over ate...felt i could burst out of my dress...lol...
the only problem is the choice of music and the overly enthusiastic waiters...haha...
the music is a mix of pop, and oldies....kinda disrupting i feel...dunno what words exactly to use...
as for the waiters, they keep popping by to see how we are progressing with dinner. well that's service i suppose, but it's irritating and interrupting our privacy! they should learn to do it more discreetly. like those english butlers do...haha...
on the whole, a sweet and delicious experience...we dined for a record time of 3 hours!
next stop....novus...
I SPLURGED
our 2nd yr anniversay present for each other!! i'm wearing the gold one while he wears the silver one =) tot we'll go for somthing cheaper and more fun this yr...travelled the whole of spore to find this combi....found this pair at parkway!!!
this is wat i received for christmas from my mentor....damn pressurising lor...got to return something in favour mah....sigh...but i've always liked this design despite the fact that its sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo common.....
the gals in my new office...havoc bunch of peeps...
my mentor on my left and his best pal on my right! super cute both of them...n stop being gay!!! haha....
cool dude!! seriously cool.....
phil stephenson!!! he's super cute la!!! a lecturer who hails from scotland..very mild and very soft spoken =)
we actually went to cafe delma even though we are all really tired....jus refuse to let the day end so early....
adelyn!!! another colleague!!! haha
sir graham davidson and rosemary gosling!!! we are lucky to have the chance to take photo with them ...
we tried to throw our hats...but it looks terrible!!!!
zann!!! colleague and fellow sch mate and now, working in same building...haha
the guys!!!
the gals!!!
Ivan Sim!!! thanks for waiting for me la....now i demand my big treat!!!! hahaha
